Category: Communication & Decision-Making

The most successful mediations rarely end because someone finally had the perfect answer. They end because two people who have been talking past each other finally start talking about the same problem. That’s the part most people never see. By the time an agreement is signed, it can look as though the mediator simply helped… Read more

The more specific the conversation becomes, the easier it is to build workable agreements. One of the things I spend a surprising amount of time doing during mediation is asking people to be more specific. That may not sound particularly remarkable, but vague language is one of the biggest obstacles to productive conversations. People often… Read more

Long before mediation begins, most people have already rehearsed the conversation in their head. They think they’re preparing for mediation. They organize documents, make notes, revisit old emails and text messages, and think about everything they want to say. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared. In fact, preparation is important. The question is what you’re… Read more

A Mediator Doesn’t Decide. A Mediator Structures. Read more

Sometimes people reach agreement. Sometimes they don’t. Both are legitimate outcomes. Mediation isn’t measured by whether every issue gets resolved. It’s measured by whether people had a structured, informed, participant-led process for working through those issues. There can be a surprising amount of pressure walking into mediation. People want to make the most of the… Read more

That sounds backwards. Most people expect mediation to tackle enormous questions. Sometimes it does. But experienced mediators spend a surprising amount of time making big problems smaller. Not smaller in importance. Smaller in scope. One of the easiest ways for a conversation to stall is when the question becomes too big. Parents will sit down… Read more

People rarely come to mediation wondering what they’re going to talk about. By the time they’re sitting in the room, they usually have the agenda figured out in their minds. Parenting schedule. The house. Bank accounts. Child support. The list feels clear before the conversation even begins. Then something interesting happens. The conversation almost never… Read more

Alright, let’s backup, full transparency, what is that? Full transparency means we keep it honest. No hidden bank accounts, everything is exposed. It’s going to be anyways, so you might as well get ahead of it. Read more