Alright, let’s back up. Full transparency. What does that actually mean?
Basically, we keep it honest.
No mystery bank accounts. No conveniently forgotten credit cards. No Oh, I didn’t think that account mattered after we’ve spent two hours talking about finances. If we’re making decisions about money, property, parenting, or anything else that depends on information, both of you need enough accurate information to understand what you’re actually deciding.
That doesn’t mean you need to walk into mediation with every financial document you’ve accumulated since your first checking account. It also doesn’t mean you have to know every number from memory. People forget things. Accounts get overlooked. Someone asks a question and suddenly you realize, I actually have no idea what that’s worth. That’s different from intentionally keeping information out of the conversation.
And that’s really where transparency matters to me. I don’t need perfect information because human beings rarely come with perfectly organized information. I do need honest participation.
If we’re talking about what happens with the house, knowing what is owed on the house matters. If we’re talking about finances, knowing what accounts and debts exist matters. If someone doesn’t know a number yet, we can say that. I don’t know is an answer. It tells us what information we may still need before anyone makes a decision.
What doesn’t work particularly well is making a decision based on one version of the financial picture and discovering later that there was another piece of it sitting somewhere offstage the entire time.
Mediation gives you a lot of freedom to decide what works for you. That freedom only means something if you understand what you’re deciding with.
So when I talk about full transparency, I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for the information on the table to actually be on the table.
Otherwise, we’re not really making decisions together. We’re making guesses.